I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Randomize
