So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Randomize