But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
