A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
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