STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
I hope mine doesn't look like that
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Randomize
