your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Randomize
