a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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