my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
