you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
