Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
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