It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize