I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Randomize
