I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
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