I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
I'd cum for enchiladas.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize