is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize