Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
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