Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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