i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Randomize
