Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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