He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Randomize
