cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Randomize
