I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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