I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
I wish you could order shots online.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
