Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
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