ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Randomize
