I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
