he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
