when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Randomize
