I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Randomize
