kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
