my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
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