When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
