my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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