i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
