you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
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