make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Is Oprah even human
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize