With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
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