just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
My cat gives me a boner
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
