so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Randomize
