Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Randomize
