Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
