I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
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