Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
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