It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Randomize
