Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
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