i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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