i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
