my mouth tastes like poor choices
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Randomize
