btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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