Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Randomize
