Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Randomize
