I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
