I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Randomize
