Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Randomize
