my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
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