Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
