11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
