i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
Barsexuality is the new black.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
The power of my boobs compel you
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Randomize
