Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
We smell like vodka and hangover
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