The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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