I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
So I just went to clothing optional bar
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
my penis made a compromise with my morals
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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