Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Randomize
