i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
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