U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
Dignity is for republicans.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Randomize
