In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
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