I murdered the dance floor call the cops
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
Randomize