You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
