I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Randomize
