I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Never let your siblings swipe right.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
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