Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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