DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
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