Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
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