Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Did you pee in the oven last night??
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
