Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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