my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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