Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
Randomize
