It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Randomize
