so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize