ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
