I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
