If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Randomize
