Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
We got so high we made milksteak
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
i now understand why vodka
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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