Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
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