I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
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