Can Purell be used as lube?
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Randomize
