I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Randomize
