I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
Randomize
