Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
