dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Randomize
