im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
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