I hope mine doesn't look like that
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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