Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
this must be what syphilis tastes like
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
