His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
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