You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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