GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
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