Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
