First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
