i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
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