so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Randomize
