She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Randomize
