blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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