That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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