Pants 0. Shit 1.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Randomize
