My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
