Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Randomize
