I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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