I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
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