The police scanner is talking about you again....
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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